Here is a beautiful story narrated by a long-time devotee of Pujya Gurudev Swami Chinmayananda, Mrs. Anjali Singh. She had the good fortune of not only travelling with Him but also took some of the most enchanhting photographes of Gurudev. This story of her, Krishna, His heart and Gurudev. It not only shows her devotion and faith but also has a very important lesson for all from Gurudev.
Krishna and the Heart
Swamiji (Pujya Gurudev Swami Chinmayananda) and Krishna remained always inseparably together—Swamiji in the form of the gold heart locket around my Bala Krishna idol, named “the Great Witness.” The two together were the most important symbols in my life, and over the years, my attachment to them grew.
Swamiji had while giving the heart to Krishna in Zurich, Switzerland, saying, “I am giving my heart to Krishna. He wanted it!”
The Story of Krishna and His Heart
Nine years later, Swamiji was holding a Gita Jnana yajna in Dehradun in March 1991, and was to drive to BHEL (Bharat Electricals) in Haridwar to address theChinmaya Degree College students. The previous night, Swamiji had said, “I am going to drop them at Hari-ki-Pauri in Haridwar at 6 a.m. and proceed to BHEL.” I did not realize then that the word “drop” would have such a huge significance. I was thrilled at this unexpected trip to Gangaji along with Swamiji, and that, too, to the most sacred bathing ghat down the entire river.
Five of us, including Jyoti Barucha, who was a trained nurse and had come from USA to serve Swamiji, and Divyajyoti, the daughter of our host, Maharaja Divya Deb Singh, were in the car that followed Swamiji’s. From Hari-ki-Pauri, Swamiji drove another half hour past Gangaji to the BHEL complex, while we stayed behind. We had an exhilarating hour playing in Mother Ganga’s holy waters while She affectionately washed off all our sins!
Krishna’s dip in Ganga
Jyoti asked if she might also give Krishna His dip. I asked her to be careful about the heart around his neck. She took the heart off, wound it around a safety pin, pinned it to his clothes, and left them in my handbag. She bathed Krishna in the Gangaji while I took photographs of Him. We then had a priest perform a puja, something I do not normally do, to Krishna.
The Missing Heart
Half an hour later, while dressing up the ‘Great Witness’ in the car, I realized with a shock, that the heart was missing! I even ripped open the lining of the handbag, but it was nowhere to be found. I requested the two gentlemen from Dehradun in the car if we could go back to search for it. Everyone said it would be impossible to find it in such an overcrowded place of pilgrimage. I, too, knew of the bare possibility, but I also knew that I would always live with the regret if I did not even try. When I told Jyoti Whom (Pujya Gurudev) the heart represented, she was as worried as me. She also realized the symbolic significance of losing the heart to Gangaji’s waters.
We turned the car back and I prayed to Gangaji to please let me have Swamiji’s heart back, and that I would not be asking if it was not a matter of life and death. I implored Her not to decline this special request under any circumstances.
Ganga Returned Krishna’s Heart
At Hari-ki-Pauri I ran down the numerous steps and asked the first pilgrim who was bathing there whether he had seen such a heart. And he replied, “The one that looks like a paan leaf?” I said in anxious excitement, “Yes!” He said that it had been lying on the wet steps, and he and his wife had thrown it higher toward the dry steps. Apparently, he was an honest pilgrim who did not want to take something that had been offered to Gangaji; last rites were usually offered there for the departed.
We all started searching and a bystander who had overheard us found it almost immediately! I was overjoyed and thanked him and Gangaji profusely. The vibrant heart who was Swamiji in that form, must have felt excluded from the holy dip. Somehow, he had managed to extricate himself from the safety pin and gone ahead to have a dip all by himself! It was my mistake to not have given Swamiji a dip, which was why he had dropped us off at Hari-ki-Pauri. Jyoti was quite baffled as she was sure that she had secured the heart properly.
Narrating the Krishna Story to Gurudev
We reached BHEL excited to relate the whole story to Swamiji. After hearing the first part of the story, up to my prayer to Gangaji, Swamiji was ushered into the BHEL dining hall for breakfast with a host of people. While walking away, he looked back and asked with great interest: “So, did you find it?” “Yes!” I said happily. It was one of those moments in life when I was so excited to have had my prayers answered. It was a reassurance for me that Someone is really looking after you, and I have always looked upon Gangaji as Mother. And whenever I have visited Her, some change has taken place in my life.
Swamiji was seated at the head of the table. After most of the seats were occupied by the college and Delhi school trustees and principals, he called out to me, “Anjali! Come and sit here,” pointing to the seat on his right. I went to him and whispered that Jagdeesh Prasad’sdaughter was yet to be seated. But he said in a commanding voice, “Sit down!” His face was grim. Whenever he used that tone of voice, it was always prudent to do as told without argument. I took a photo of him with that grim expression, but dared not take another. And I was scared—for once!
His Teachings
I wondered what I had done wrong between telling him the story and walking to the dining room. And I found out before I could even put the first spoonful of cornflakes in my mouth. “If Gangaji asks you for something, don’t you have the heart to give it?” he said.
I could not believe that Swamiji, who had shown such an interest in the story, was chiding me for recovering His heart! He knew what it meant to me. He also knew the whole significance of giving this living, pulsating vibrant heart of his to Gangaji. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Pretending nonchalance, I put the cornflakes in my mouth, but had a hard time swallowing.
Swamiji continued, “Some detachment is necessary to gain something greater. If you don’t give up something, a greater good can’t come to you.”
At this point, I could no longer hold back the emotional upsurge and it silently made its way out. Uma Shergil came around and asked me if I wanted to eat a dosa , but I asked her for a tissue instead. She brought a pile of paper napkins and gave me one.
Swamiji said, “Take a few more.” I guess he knew what was coming. Uma left the whole lot on the table and a dosa on my plate. Swamiji passed me sambar from his plate, but I could not eat a thing. I smiled mistily and apologetically, and then tried to change the topic by cracking a joke.
I said to Swamiji, “Yesterday, you spoke in your talk about the eight arrow markers to Brahman. “Changeless” hit me the most.” I asked Uma if any had hit home for her and she said, ‘Yes. All of them.”
“Where? On the bottom?” I asked. “All over!” she replied. At this, Swamiji laughed loudly and so did all of us. I thought with relief that the Gangaji topic was over.
And Swamiji said, “Ultimately, all things have their end in Gangaji. That is the final resting place.This time, I replied defiantly, “I cannot give Her your heart.” “Then don’t grow up! Remain young!” He said.
Lesson Learnt
At this point, I stopped trying to control my emotions and the silent tears flowed continuously— even after we had gotten up from the table, for several hours. I used up all the napkins, to say the least.
I now realize that Swamiji was trying to make me face my subconscious fears in his presence. Until that day, my mind had refused to ever entertain even the slightest thought of His leaving us. Whenever such a thought would come, I would just push it away. Indira Bharadwaj, the principal of Chinmaya Vidyalaya in Delhi, pressed my hand in consolation as we walked out of the dining room. Nobody seemed to know what exactly was happening. She said, “Don’t behave like a pagli (mad woman). So what if Swamiji got cross with you! He doesn’t mean it!” To them I just seemed to be overreacting to something he had said. This was almost the first time in my 30 years with Swamiji that I was crying before Him. And it would not have happened had his tone not bound me to that chair.
Later, I went out and sat alone with Krishna and the heart on the lawns of the guest house, and the tears just would not stop. Brahmachari Gopinath Chaitanya from Uttarkashi (the late Swami Dhyanananda) seemed very concerned and watched from a distance for about an hour. Perhaps he thought that the hysterical woman might commit suicide.
It was now becoming evident to me what I must do with the heart. I started by taking a lot of photos of Krishna and Swamiji’s heart together. I wondered if I would actually be able to bring myself to give his heart to Gangaji. It remains the most difficult thing I ever had to do in my life. Even his address to the college students seemed to be directed to me, for it was all about detachment at the mind level. He must have realized what was going through my mind—that perhaps I intended to give the heart back to Gangaji since He had admonished me over it. He said, “The body is symbolic. We have to do things with the mind. It is the mind which is the doer, not the body!”
I felt that I needed to practice detachment at both levels, one leading to the other. And I realized that I did not really have a choice. I rode with Indira Bharadwaj and Col. Bhargava in their car and requested them to go via Hari-ki-Pauri. I explained the entire context to Indira and she ended up in tears as well. The mere thought of dispensing Swamiji’s heart into Gangaji was nerve shattering.
Offering the Heart to Ganga
At Hari-ki-Pauri, I went to the place where Swamiji’s heart had been spotted by the pilgrim. Here, Gangaji again received what was meant for Her in the first place, what Swamiji had wanted to give Her. This was a matter between them. I was only an outsider, an instrument, who had tried to interfere in a ritual He had planned. I should not have asked Gangaji to return the heart; it would have saved me the trauma of having to give it back. Indira, who was safeguarding my camera, took a photo of me offering back the heart.
Gurudev and Ganga
Swamiji had great love for Gangaji as Divine Mother, as the embodiment of Self-knowledge. At Her banks in Rishikesh, he had been drawn to religion and had been initiated into sannyasa by Swami Sivanandaji Maharaj. And at Her banks in Uttarkashi and Gangotri, he had learned Brahma-vidya from his teacher, Swami Tapovanji Maharaj. Ganga represents the flow of Knowledge. It was She, by example, who had inspired Swamiji to take the Knowledge down to the masses. Her presence in the form of kalashas was installed by Swamiji in the Jagadishvara Temple of the Powai ashram in Mumbai.
Ganga Stotam is chanted in all the Chinmaya Missions centers around the world. It was an extraordinary close relationship that He had with Her—almost like that of Bhīshma Pitamaha. It is not possible that He would go by Her for the last time, without a befittingly deep salute, consonant with the place She held in His life. And so it was, that in recognition of this unique relation, He gave His heart to Her at their last meeting, knowing that the rest of his embodiment He would give to Mother Earth. Into water and earth are the two ways in which a mahatma’s form is merged with the elements. And Swamiji gave his mortal forms to them both.
Read about Lord Krishna’s Divinity by Swami Chinmayananda.